Complete the sentence ________.

What was the last thing you completed? Perhaps it was a crossword puzzle, or the weekend “to do” list. Maybe finishing a marathon highlighted with a deep sense of accomplishment considering the hours of commitment, sweat, and training. Regardless of how big or small the task, a sense of accomplishment nurtures confidence, satisfaction, and feeling successful. Webster defines “complete” as fully carried out; brought to an end; having all the necessary steps or parts. Completion requires commitment to self and often commitment to others.

Would you consider accepting a paycheck and never depositing it? Or dialing a number partially and expecting to communicate? I am reminded of an example of creative discipline when in response to a teenager choosing to fulfill their school, homework, and home responsibilities half way, the parent drove the child halfway to the movie theater and stopped. Of course, the parent told the child they would drive them to the movies and the child assumed that meant the complete route. The parent chose a brilliant example to illustrate the integrity, implied trust, and the domino effect of completing an obligation and fulfilling responsibility.

In life, I often hear the debate between which is more important… the journey or the destination. And I believe both are completely and comprehensively important. In the journey lie the steps. The steps of failure and success, the steps of fear and courage, the steps of choices, learning, and growth. Without the steps, the destination would not happen. Life is a journey. And within the journey of life, we purposely set goals with ourselves, our children, our jobs, etc. Destination culminates with completion and accomplishment honoring the process from start to finish. I encourage you to complete the sentence… This week, this month, and/or this year I commit to finishing my goal of _____________. Enjoy!

Choose Action: Open the Fences of Labels

Your mindset is what you make it and does not depend on a diagnosis or label to prescribe the fixed limits. We live in a world of diagnoses and labels… ADHD, depressed, gifted/talented, bipolar, extrovert, introvert, winner, loser, and the list goes on. To a degree, your experiences and all that you are create who you are, but it does not dictate who you are. You have very specific opinions about things that closely resemble your own experiences. Regardless if your experiences are positive, negative, or neutral, you have the freedom to choose how they will show up in your life and how much emphasis they will carry into your future.

Sometimes, people are given a diagnosis or label by others as in the case of school testing or doctors’ diagnoses. And even then, you can still choose how that will play out in your life. How many times have cancer survivors beaten the odds? What about those who were told they will never walk again and surpass walking to adopt a habit of running? There are many ADHD CEO’s out there! These people refused to subscribe to the limits of labels. A label might explain why something is more difficult and can help create an efficient life plan. And when used in a positive way, it can also create a springboard for success. Or, it can stifle motivation and create a fenced in box tightly bound by the label. For example, Carol Dweck, in her book, Mindset, discussed how children reinforced for their effort out-performed those who were told they were the best. Perhaps the “best” label constricts motivation to continue growing? Perhaps focusing on "doing" rather than what is "done" motivates growth?

Think about the labels you have for yourself, either prescribed by others or self-prescribed. I am ______. Write them down. Look at them and make intentional choices as to what you will carry with you this year. Tear down the fences so you can carve your own path.

New Year's Resolutions: Goals, Values, and Things "Too" Do

The new year is a valuable time to refocus on life and set new goals. What you choose within your life scope is completely up to you. However, when you align your values with your goals, your chances for success increase dramatically. What are your values? You might start by looking at your checkbook and see how you spend your money. Or perhaps do a daily time log and see where you spend your time. These external indicators can help clarify what you might value outside of yourself.

What about internally? What are the core values that set the foundation for who you are so much that if they were taken away, it would no longer seem like you? What attributes or values are thematically woven through your personal life, school life, family life, and your business life? Setting resolutions or goals allow us to reflect, evaluate, and plan for what we want. Often times, people use “I should” and “I need to” when in actuality, they do not want to or they lack the belief or faith to do it.

Goals can be defined as process oriented or outcome oriented. Do you want to adapt a healthy habit which is an ongoing process or do you want to complete a marathon? While using both process and outcome are important, you might find that you value one more than the other. I enjoyed talking with another person who, like myself, had a mentally challenging workout today. As I listened to how she struggled with her performance feeling completed defeated with her swim workout, I could relate to my own mind over matter battle with the stair climber. For me, enjoying the music and focusing on the tunes rather than the time proved to be a helpful tool. We both agreed that enjoying the process helped us complete the task for today.

A final note to consider when determining your New Year’s goals is a short “too” do list:
too many- pick two
too unrealistic- make it achievable (either as a process or outcome)
too vague-clearly define with an action plan and write them down
too little faith- believe in yourself

All the best and choose to grow in 2012!

Compassionate Gifts

"It is better to give than receive." Ever heard that phrase? What do you think about the message? During the holiday season, we find many different opportunities to help others, give gifts, and do something good for someone else. We encourage co-workers at our business and children at their schools to donate food for the hungry, share coats to provide warmth, and buy gifts for those who might otherwise not have anything to open. Indeed, it makes sense to agree with the idea that giving is better than receiving. Giving makes the world a better place.

However, I think it is a very narrow-minded message. If we only emphasize the importance of giving, we may overlook how to receive. How many people allow themselves or know how to receive gifts, compliments, and/or gratitude? Allowing yourself to open up and receive is necessary in the process. The book, "Open You Life, Open Your Mind," cites the defining characteristic of true compassion is when the helper recognizes that he/she and the person being helped are equally in need of each other for their personal growth. In other words, both the giver and the receiver are blessed in the process.

Do you prefer to give or receive? Do you know how to both give and receive?

I like to think of laughter as a gift. In particular, GIGGLE… Gladly Inspire Gratitude, Grace, Love, & Encouragement (and don’t forget to laugh at yourself, too!)

Share a smile and GIGGLE :o)

Stop - Look - Listen

Stop. Look. and Listen! From children’s shows to the family dinner table and lessons from school, children have learned to stop, look, and listen before crossing the street. Three very simple words rooted in our minds for traffic safety. And when we take a closer look, they additionally apply so well to everyday living. How often do we stop, look, and listen as we go about our daily routine? Routine, in itself, lends to a more of a mindless set of habitual behavior requiring very little thought. Why do we need to pay attention to sipping coffee in the morning or savor the daily farewells like “have a good day” and “I love you.” In particular, how often do you notice the ongoing internal dialogue you have with yourself? What are the messages in your silent whispers?

What do you mutter to yourself when you first wake up in the morning? Without realizing it, you set the tone for your daily perspective. It truly doesn’t matter which side of the bed you step out from. What you whisper under your breath will frame your thoughts, behaviors, and reactions. I encourage you to take a moment, observe, and listen to your thoughts or breath whispers. Even at this very moment, what are you thinking as you read? Engage yourself in the small breaks of your day and observe your surroundings as you take your next water break at work or school. Intentionally choose to smile at yourself with your internal words and observe what happens when you reflect your thoughts in an outward way. May you find blessings, enthusiasm, and extra energy today.

Seasons Greetings!

Perhaps you naturally thought this to be a holiday blog? Actually, it is more of a reflection on welcoming the changing seasons and observing a few of the intricate details in the cycle. Seasons change, leaves let go, roots deepen, and the tree grows. What images, thoughts, and feelings appear for you with this statement?

Each season shares its unique beauty with us. Fall foliage against a clear blue sky creates a spectacular canvas of warm beauty. Fall indicates the season of thanksgiving… a time to intentionally express gratitude and share blessings with others. Today, most of the leaves have now let go and fallen to the ground where they await the laughter of children as they repeatedly rake and plunge into the leaves. The leaves graciously take a break for the season allowing the roots to take center stage as they strengthen and deepen into the ground.

Life can be similar to ever-changing seasons. With each day, we move forward, press on, and the seasons change. We meet each day with the opportunity for growth enriching our lives with new experiences, increased knowledge, and meeting new people. While not all experiences are welcomed with open arms, we can learn and grow stronger from each, if we so choose. Change is inevitable, but growth is optional. Just like the leaves on a tree, sometimes change involves letting go in order to move forward with growth. Fill in the blank for yourself.... letting go of_____ and deepening roots of _____. Embrace your experience and grow with the journey.

Blessings to you all!

Going B.E.Y.O.N.D. for the Holidays

Load up the car! Put on your best behavior! You are off to spend quality time with family and relatives! Perhaps the difference between the “holiday blues” and “holiday stress” is longing to be with loved ones versus knowing you will spend copious amount of ‘enjoyable’ time with loved ones.
In all things, give thanks. It’s a meaningful time to reflect on your blessings and your trials which you’ve been promised will turn into blessings! It’s that one time of year where gratitude abounds for anything and everything including you bipolar Aunt Suzie, narcissistic cousin Paul, and unruly twin nephews, Nick and Nate.
Amongst pondering my blessings and planning the road trip for holiday family togetherness, I ran across Martha Beck’s blog about dysfunctional family bingo. What an ingenious idea! Probably everyone can recall a few annoying habits of relatives that send you running for the eggnog, escaping with the ipad, or signal the game on whistle of a good family fight. What if, instead of allowing your blood to boil, you played a fun private game of bingo? You get to label all the dysfunctional habits of your dearly loved ones on a game card and proudly look for those behaviors (since you KNOW it’s going to happen!) Enlist a secret game partner and the race is on to see who can bingo first! My rendition of this competitive camaraderie is called B.E.Y.O.N.D. BINGO. Boldly Enjoying Your Outlaws, Nelatives, and Divas… For the purpose of the game, “outlaws” refers to the term used in your mind when speaking of your in-laws while “nelatives” is short for no-way-not-my-relatives. And “diva” defines anyone regardless of age, gender, or bloodline who resembles a spoiled rotten brat.
Time to create your B.E.Y.O.N.D. Bingo game card with 24 habits, and then reposition those habits on your partner’s game card. Come up with a fun prize for whoever wins and let the games begin while enjoying a stress-less time with family.
While the bingo game lends to light-hearted fun, it also addresses many important factors for emotion regulation, distress tolerance, and interrelation skills. Changing your perspective is critical for change, in general. Viewing annoying habits as something to anticipate because it helps your bingo cause is a creative way to shift the kaleidoscope lens. You cannot change or control others, but you can change and control your reaction to others. Anticipate fun, manage your reactions, and boldly enjoy the holidays with a twist of strategy for handling the stress. Cheers!